Husbands and Wives

What does it take to be a good husband and a good wife? There are many wrong statements saying that a wife is nothing but a slave to the husband, doing everything so that the family would be happy and above safe zone. Frankly, I do agree to this statement but not a 100%. You see, in every religion, a man is to be married to a women in order to produce and have a happy family but that is not all to a happy marriage. In Islam, being either a man or a women is a pleasure and that in everything we do, we do it as a khalifah to Allah swt and to achieve and seek for His only pleasure. There are ample responsibilities as to being a man or a woman and nothing is ever easy. For a man to hold the post and the name as a woman's husband, he is just a step closer in reaching and grabbing Allah's protection and being able to taste paradise or Syurga, that is if he is able to do and hold every responsibilities as a man, as a khalifah, as the head of the family, as Allah's servant carefully and diligently.

            I have attended a Islamic ceremony recently at a nearby mosque at my house, in between the solat or prayer, we would have a gathering on which there would be a teacher that would share with us some meaningful tips on how to be a better Muslimin and Muslimah, stories of our great ancestors Muhammad saw and his closest friends and etc. It was quite interesting when he told us about how Prophet Muhammad saw brought about being the best husband his wives could have had, being 'Kekasih Allah swt', being a khalifah, a leader, a friend to all of us. We are his Ummah and we try our best not to be like him as there is no one like him but we try out best to be something that is closest to him. The teacher also taught us to be sincere in everything we do and that to always think about Allah the Almighty in everything we do that is in everything we do, we do it to seek for Allah swt pleasure and nothing more. 

          I can't really tell you how a husband is in Islam as I am not qualified to but I can tell you some about the Muslim wives. When a man accepts the woman's hand in marriage, he is not only accepting the girl for satisfy his lust without having sins, but when one accepts the woman's hand in marriage, that means that he is fully prepared to care for the woman and be responsible towards the woman's sins and doings and that the father of the bride can now let go of his responsibilities towards the his daughter. That is why I think most man are not that fully prepared to get married unless they are qualified to not it terms of wealth or physically, but in terms of his faith towards Allah the almighty and that we wants to marry a girl because of Allah and to seek refuge from Allah swt. Without Iman, one is like a blind man walking in the dark forest as he has no guidance on how to care for his wive let alone himself. 

       So girls! Don't think that being a man is easy as it is not. Yes, they may not have to get pregnant and suffer the pain during childbirth but they are the ones who will be held responsible in the sins that you are doing. Everything single thing you do, the bad things, your husband will be paying for them during judgement day. He would be the one that Allah swt would ask on why is his wive behaving in such a way in this world. So remember girls, you should try with all your strength to not make your husband a victim in Islam and being hate by Allah swt as to not being able to constrict or restrict or advice or avoid you.

      HOLD ON! I didn't say that being a wife is that easy. Hey, I am a girl, and I do understand. A wife is a partner for men, they are the ones that man will seek for comfort, friend, pleasure and the ones that the men trust on living with together for the rest of his life. A man could not live without a woman, come on, you've all seen it before on how single man lives, some maybe good and can live without us but I can assure you that about 97% of them can't live without us. Where would they satisfy their pleasure if not on us? AM I Right? Oh well, the other 3% might not want to get marries because of some reasons and maybe because Allah swt has decided for them to not be married. Allah is the Knowledgeable and I am no person to judge him in anything He plans for us as I am no one but his humble servant. 

      Girls, do you guys know the wonderfulness of being married? Ohh, if you try to ponder on this even if just for a moment, it is simply spectacular. Your husband is your heaven. He is your stairway to heaven. Being a wife that truly cares about your husbands' wants and needs, being there for him, being in bed with him whenever he asks you too, cook meals for him, give him children are all steps for you to get closer to heaven and seek Allah's pleasure. Bare in mind ladies, that whenever your husband ask you to do something, do it! as long as it does not break Allah's syariat. If you don't, the angels would curse upon you and Allah will hate you. When you agree on being someone's wife, it is not just about getting laid and popping children here and there, it's about commitment that your husband is the one that will bring you to heaven with him. He is your pathway to paradise. Allah swt has set a high post for women. Whenever a wife kisses her husband, sleep with his husband, make her husband smile, give birth to her husbands child, cook for his husband, do everything for his husband.. Allah guarantees that heaven is not far away for her. Everything she does in the name of Allah for her husband, she will get pleasure and rewards from the Almighty Allah swt.

     

Different people, different love

Love is God's creation for everyone. A man and woman is destined to be together to start a family. It all starts with the feelings one felt for each other. When the first moment in life you look at somebody and say "She's the one for me" or "He's the one" but you won't exactly say that "He'll be the father of my child" nor would you say "She's the mother of my child".

It all starts when the feeling to be loved and wants to love comes within us. All of us will experience multiple times of being heartbroken and not being able to find the right one as it is not the right time for us to be loved and give love but all of these experiences taught us a good lesson and keeps our head up high in finding the true one sooner or later. Love is a feeling when you would feel something queasy in your stomach as people would say you have butterflies in your stomach. It is also a time when you look at that person and you feel as if you're in a safe place. You feel secured and happy. For me, when I'm in love, I felt a slight change in myself. I no longer feel the need to do things the right way, I want to go crazy and lose the sense of uptight. I want to be free.

Each and everyone of us will experience different ways of feeling in love. For some, being in love is like flying in a cloud through the incandescent sky. Some feel like they can just do anything and overcome boundaries, Some feel like they don't have to be someone else other than themselves, Some feel like they can just scream. 

When it's time to meet the one you loved, you feel like you can just run and be inside their arms. To be able to say, "I like you" is easy but to say "I love you" is the hardest as it's a sentence that will cause you something. It is a powerful sentence that could either make someone happy or the other way around. Nevertheless, it is a sentence that makes all of us feel alive and noticed. Right? Love makes us happy. Love breaks us free yet when there is a time for us to let go of that love, it's tough isn't it? but still you've got to let it go. As times passes by, and after giving all the love that you had for various people, all of us will feel tired. 

Hey, love is tiring but it's worth it. Even if it only makes us happy for awhile and then it'll be gone forever or just for a moment. Yet that very moment of happiness is what makes us feel alive and wanted. That moment of love even though it does lasts long, that very moment is what makes us human. We keep the memory in mind and heart as we don't want to loose it and we want to remind ourselves that in our life, we did love and be loved by someone and that's what matters. 

Never regret ever giving love to someone or being love by someone. It may hurt but hey, you did feel happy didn't you? When you are in love, right now, all you can do is just cherish the moment you have and live every moment of it. Don't ever waste it or even have the thought about having to let it go someday. Do not ever think that you are not worth it to be loved by that person. Yes, the differences between you and him or her can be major but that is what makes the both of you unique. You don't have to have the same of everything, the same favorite color, food and interests. Negative and positive attracts. Differences attracts. The beautiful does not have to be with the handsome. The nerd does not have to be with a nerd too. Mix around and meet someone that isn't an exact replica of you.

Look around you and you may see that there are different people which make love as it is now. Look at your parents, who are once a loving couple like yourself, are they of the same people? Do they have the same interests in everything? Aren't they different? 

Remember not to force yourself in love, when you are able to be yourself around them not caring about being humiliated or weird, now that is real love. It's not that I'm telling you to leave that person when you can't be weird around them but wouldn't you be happier if that person just love you for who you are and that you don't have to be someone else other than yourself? You would be able to be comfortable and still be loved. Accept them for whatever they are and not judge them in everything they do. That is love. 

Sister in-law

Hmmm, family gatherings are tough isn't it? Especially if those gatherings were prepared for your brother's meeting with his future bride's family. It is troublesome to welcome someone who you are not familiar with in your family. Hey, that's why people created family gatherings so that we could meet and get to know each other. This is a chaotic process that I don't really personally like to be involve in that is if that particular person which in this case is my brother would be the one who should be busy since he's the one who will be meeting them whereas the rest of us will just be helping him a bit.

But what ticks me off is that, I don't really like this girl that my brother likes. Well, that's what we call the sister sensor. As a sister, I'ma picky on who my brother is going to marry or the girl who is his girlfriend as I don't want to have a monster sister in law. So, when this particular girlfriend of his comes home for a visit,  tend to not be with her that much and I observe her every action. That is sick, I know right. I do this because I want to see if she's worth it for my brother. I don't want her to pretend to be a good girl but then later on in life, my brother will be her slave. Incidents like this seldom happen but you never know when later on in marriage, your brother will be the house husband and your sister in law will become the working wife and leaves everything that has to with household to your brother. You don't want that to happen do you?

When your brother's girlfriend is the pretty girl, fashionable, rich, educated.. you have to be careful and see whether she is only perfect on the outside and knows how to be a future mother and wife. Is she knows at least how to cook and wash clothes, your brother is safe. It's not wrong to choose someone who does not know how to cook and later on she'll learn but it'll be better if she knows at least how to do those things. That way, your brother won't die of starvation and dirty clothes. Instead, your brother would have a happy life living with her.

What sicken me is that every time this girl pays a visit to our house, all she does is sit in front of the computer all day long and when she has a bit of time, she goes out. Never have I seen a situation where she would voluntarily help my mom in the kitchen to cook or at least help around the house. Yes, you all might think that; hey, she's the guest. Why would a guest be helping around the house when the people in house itself should do the help. I don't mind doing all the work but it would just make my day if she would ask, "Can I help you?" instead of sitting and not even offer to help and the rest would be history and make my day and my family's.

You know how girls are at being jealous with each other easily and that no one should be prettier than you. Well, I always felt this whenever she visits the house. I truly admit that she is beautiful in a way that she is stylish and fashionable. Plus, she's smart and that I'm not nearly as pretty as her. I envy her so much that when she stays a bit too long, I get irritated and not wanting to even acknowledge her when she talks to me. Yes, that is bad and awful of me to do so. I guess I offended her and my brother. I realized that if I keep doing this, my brother would be unhappy and that she would run away and not turn back. I tried my very best not to do this too often but it just ticks me off no matter what.

As a little sister, I guess I'm just afraid of losing my brother forever. Though sometimes we argue and not see eye to eye, but he's my brother and I will love him and not want to lose him no matter what happens. I bet he'll feel the same when I'm about to get married to someone someday and beat the hell out of the guy I'm about to marry. I have no doubt about it.

Acceptance

Acceptance means the ability to accept whatever happens in your life. Is is good to always say yes and accept whatever that comes in your life? Well, there are the pros' and cons' in the value of acceptance. Acceptance is said to be a way for one to be patient ans accept everything as it is, the chance to redo the unwanted situation in life, the chance to be humble and generous and a way to challenge yourself.

Not everyone can accept a decision or a situation that does not fit the picture that they had in mind. Not everyone can forgive and forget, adapt to a situation; but we can surely try at it. A simple example would be when one has struggle to their limits to achieve something but in the end they do not; and so they get frustrated and tends to do something stupid in the end. We all should learn how to accept whatever God has given us as he knows best. We can't change the fact that we are born into this cruel and violent world but we have no choice but to live our life as best as we could and as much as we could.

We can't change who our parents should be just because we do not like our parents now as they are still the ones who would help us one day. We can't change who our siblings are now into much better siblings just because we quarrel everyday which never comes to an end. We can't change our fate on who our partner should be meaning who we should get married to, who our children would be and the conditions of our life. All we can do is accept.

Therefore, as to what my teacher always said, Muslim children had been nurtured since they were young on how to accept everything and never regret. They practice the terms and values of; 'Usaha' which means giving it your all to achieve what you desire, 'Tawakal' meaning living everything to God after trying your best, 'Doa' which means asking God to grant all of their wishes, 'Redha' which means accept and be happy with what happens in the future and 'Syukran' which means always be thankful to all life's gifts to you.

Remember this people,

- Usaha, Tawakal, Doa, Redha, Syukran-

Boundaries (i)

Ever thought about once when you can't achieve something because there's something that's holding you back? You do have the urge to do something that you love but you can't as there's that coercive force that keeps gripping you and your brain to make any decisions. 

Even if the decisions we make sometimes are not right and may not fit that particular situation; it is still the right way by just making a decision. If you don't, you may miss the best things in life. Say that your parents are the major problem on why you can't make that certain decision. That you have to think about the other person's feelings before you make up your mind. Yes, you should keep that into account but there are times when you should just follow your guts and do it. Being selfish and think about what's best for yourself first is best before you think about others. It may hurt in the beginning but it'll be worth it in the end.

Next, I'm sure most of us may say that we do not have the money to move forward; say like buying the things that you want now as you can't have it during the past, but, you are restricted as you do not have any money. A simple example would be the students in Malaysia who are taking loans from the National Higher Education Fund Corporation (P.T.P.T.N). Not all loans given by P.T.P.T.N is the same as it all depends again on your parents salary and how much the family itself have to bear. Every student must control their expenditure and learn how to budget themselves which restricts them from spending more than they should. That is why some students in universities seem to be uptight and too picky about things. But hey, come to think of it, us students wants to buy the things that we could not afford mainly because of peer pressure. 

As you can see in this evolving world, not only students but even toddlers knows how to use advanced technologies. If you search in deeper, even cats have their own iPad's to play games and keep their mind active. My point being is that, since you have money restriction in possessing the things you desire, keep this in check; decide on what brings you the most benefit as a student, think whether the stuff you want is urgent to have or not and when you already thought about the right decision, do it directly with no hesitations what so ever. This is to avoid you from changing your mind multiple times. 

Besides that, phobias are one of the restrictions in doing something. Phobia is an anxiety disorder and usually said to be a continuous and persistent fear on things and situation in which the sufferer tries his or her best in achieving great lengths to avoid them. There are various types of phobia and not all of them carry similar traits. Such examples would be, claustrophobia, hydrophobia, social phobia and etc. The most common phobia would be fear of heights. Most people are afraid of high places especially when they have to board the plane, hiking up the mountains and even afraid of looking down when going up the escalator. Nowadays, such fears are overcome by doing extreme activities that can increase the pulse and heart rate and kick start the adrenaline in your body. By deciding to participate in extreme sports such as bungey-jumping, rock climbing, parachuting, flying-fox and etc, you are able to challenge yourself, increase your creativity and finally have the guts to feel the freedom. Freedom to make choices, freedom to think and freedom to say whatever that needs to be said. 

As a nutcracker, there are tons other restrictions in making your decision asides the ones stated here. However, all of these boundaries need to be broken down and you need to break yourself free from all of this boundaries.